Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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