Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
