do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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