Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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