I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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