I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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