Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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