so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
