Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got inside last night via doggy door
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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