I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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