ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
