Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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