their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
