I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
