how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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