i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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