that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
