I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
