I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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