My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
