god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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