Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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