how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh god it's open bar.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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