Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
