...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
