I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
