But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
