we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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