good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
