Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
