sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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