That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
