i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
