Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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