Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
