shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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