Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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