Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
