His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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