He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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