the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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