I need help removing her.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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