Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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