Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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