Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
