Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
