Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think your dad took our porno
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
