If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
