Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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