WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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