and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
