I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
