I just threw up on my dentist
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
be right there i have to get my cape
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
