so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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