Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
