Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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