I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
