Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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