Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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