you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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