Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
