his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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