break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
