Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize