You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
