How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
