I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
