I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
