He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
