Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
