I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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