Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
