My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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