WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
two words: eviction party
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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