I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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