Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
