I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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