At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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