i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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