If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
