I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Plan B is the new Plan A
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
