My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
