His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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