and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
